Wednesday, December 21, 2011

No More I love You's

Page 59

I left the city limits of Houston for the Spring Independant School District.  Devo's Kindergarten teacher wanted to hold her back.  Which was ridiculous, but every parent needs to face certain facts.  The facts in this case were, move to save my childs educational career.  It would be a long workday trip to the prime companies that wanted me in the city, but I was not taking this chance.  My school career was horrific.  My family did not care about my happiness, they moved me during my 5th grade year and I never recovered.

I took Devo to her new school omitting her records (I explained they would be there shortly).  I did not want that retched teacher's opinion to mar her potential.

The new School Devo started at did not even wait 2 hours before contacting me at work.   I was foiled again.  And I probably should have saved my money and stay put in Sharpstown.  It was going to be the same thing all over and I was defeated when I picked up the phone.

“Ms. Lindsey, Devo should not be in this class. We would like to advance her.” After a moment to collect myself, we agreed on the Tier program, which Devo would be in the top, or 4th tier. I didn’t want her to be continually advanced loosing her friends along the way. And even today, she has relationships with her childhood friends, Shay, Brooke and Jennifer. Devo thrived and would graduate with a scholarship,a full ride, to Drake.

But I digress

My romantic life was in retrospect, surprsingly constant.  With working raising children, I chose to keep anyone I met at arm's length from my family.  And there still was Sheryl

While working at Avery, I met a young girl named Tracy (not the one I previously roomed with). She had just gotten out of the Army and she was a crisp, docker dyke as they call them. Sheryl and I were so on again, off again that when Tracy asked me out, I thought, shit, ok. She was a cute, bossy little thing. I was truly attracted to her, physically, but she was young and I had a relationship…sort of. She had stronger feelings than I, and when her love went unrequitted, she decided when Sheryl and I were at the Ranch, she was going to ruin my car. She came very close before Sheryl got a hold of her. This poor girl, I shouldn’t have played with her so.
Tracy did do some damage to the interior of my Mustang.  And this car was my first.  And it was HOT.  I learned to never love an inanimate object again.  This car was the cause and play of far too many memories.

The language of love was leaving me and I was no longer relying on the heart to destroy my ability to thrive as an individual. I was becoming one of those people I feared.  The demons in my room at night were fading as Debra and I fell apart, quickly.  The doors opened for me to find myself as the person I had recently become.  A gay woman, raising children in a bigoted work ethic. I was up against many monsters.  I could and would be fired for being gay.  It was illegal to be gay in Texas and once a company found out, they could file it for the future, so when they made cut backs, mine was an easy lay off.

So there it is, a woman kept me as a mistress. Another woman stalked me. Once again, something that would never have happened with a man. Dude! Woman are EMOTIONAL. I don’t know what happened to Tracy, Though I would like to know. The last I heard, she called me up late at night and said she had a gun and was going to hold up the 7-11 Fast Grocery store. And of course, it was my fault.

I no longer wanted to work on the periphery of Cad and realized, this is what I want to do. Draw in the computer.

One of the firms that had called Cad Cam asking for classes for their employees, SDM found me at my home on a Saturday and asked me to come to their place. I was hired on the spot.

I worked my ass off at that company. The owner, a female, wanted to spend time with me away from my job. She wasn't gay, but she was curious.  I didn’t mind, I really liked her so much, and she and her husband actually gave me a company car.  It was obvious the woman was interested in more than an employee. But she was not my type. And her husband worshiped her.  Things became strained as she would talk about her sex life, and wanted me to tell her of mine.  I was not so quick back then to discuss these matters.

And, I recognized in myself a certain attraction to the very butch type of woman. The take over and worship me types.
Everything at SDM was fine, going well, I was making money. Sheryl still lived with me and moved out at will. But things at work were difficult. The work was a dream, but the owner was getting extremely jealous of what I did with others. I tried to ignore it, placate it, whatever it took. After 6 months of this Cat and Mouse and me not reacting, I walked in the office to see her and her husband in her office.

They called me in. She sat there and let her husband do the talking.  I still think of the imediate loss of respect I had for her once she took that stance.  He told me I was being let go. “Because my wife is no longer happy”
I sat and stared first at her than through her. They had two young boys and I didn’t want to ruin there lives. She is lucky, because this was a precident setting sexual harassment case. Instead, I pulled myself up by my
bootstraps and carried on.

And yes, Debra was still there to meet my every problem, but our sexual relationship stopped. My idea. I got off more on telling her of my exploits than having relations with her.

I immediately went to work at another company on my list; Airdyne in the Spring area. (still in the A's) During my interview, as I was told later, another female with the firm had watched through 1 way glass.

When I started, God, again, was looking out for me. They did not have my computer station ready, so I was told just to study up for a couple of weeks and I did. This refolded my entire life.  This 6 weeks I spent learning AutoCAD, AutoLISP, design templates for the writing tablets and set up CAD standards. and basic programming.  This little hiccup with the firm changed my overall salaray expectations.  I would go from a draftsperson to Cad Manager to Cad Management/Electrical Design.  I trained many firms in Houston.  Gensler and Associates, Exxon, ENRON, FKP and the biggie BDMI where I reformed the entire company in 6 weeks. I also became a well known name in the CAD industry being published in both Cadence and the Release 9 Learning AutoCAD manual. I was certainly proud of myself. I could make my children’s life so much better. Devo especially, since she had high standards for the form of extracurricular activities she boasted.

Those first two weeks at Airdyne, nothing out of the ordinary occurred. I was told about different employees and what their preferences were. And one missing female, Yvonne Johnson.

I cannot even begin to describe the feelings I had when I saw her. She was an Annie Lennox doppelganger. The blond hair spike short, a tall slender athletic body. And the lunacy.  Every moment under this women's fingertips was magical, sinful, savage and dangerous.  Every lover I had and would have despised her.  Bootsie called her the "Snake Lady" (I think it was something other than "lady")

 And it was the only time Debra used the "c" word.  Yvonne was a hot act to follow.  And no one knew this better than Yvonne.

The Monday I came to work, whisking past everyone around me, trying to get to my workstation to start some scheduled drawings, I felt a presence. There was a small gap in the partition where I could see the sales floor. And there she sat. In a gray skirt suit, turned around directly to me, her hands crossed across her lap, just staring.  Basic Instinct, and eventually I would need that Ice Pick..

I don’t get it. I usually work predominantly with men and they never figure it out. Adaptation, sports and midnight snacks get more attention than the detail of women. So how did she know? HUH? How? She made me so uncomfortable I couldn’t work. I turned my chair away and pretended I saw nothing.

Then my phone rang. “This is Dianne”
“I know” a Demi Moored voice said. “I watched you when you gave your interview”
I slowly turned around and she was sitting in the same position, only this time one hand held the phone. I turned back immediately

“Yes, what can I do for you miss….” I blurted
“Yvonne, no miss, just Yvonne.” she continued “How about lunch…today. OK at 12, I’ll meet you by your little grey car.”
"...uh silver ca..." and she hung up before i could finish that menial detail.

Decision made. And I had nothing to do with that decision.

That first lunch date, we didn’t have lunch. And what we did have, was a far cry from anything to date. That evening I followed her home to her house in Foxboro, Humble.

Her lover worked for the “BELL” companies and was away more than home. They had a beautiful home, and many pets as Yvonne was prone to bringing them home, something like she did with me.

It was every man's fantasy, two women in suits, peeling them off each other not even making it to the bedroom. We spent most of our time wanting to have sex, having sex making plans to have sex.  We wrestled on the floor and she broke her finger. But she didn’t care, she went into the kitchen and got a couple of popsicles.

“Hurray, eat it, “ and we did, kind of.
I put the splint on her finger and before I could say “Don’t get that wet” she got it wet and again it started, but this time she turned into a vamp and I had to keep up, don’t feel bad for me, it was a challenge I met and practiced often.

We both showered and fell into bed falling asleep.   I woke up at 8pm. Oh my God, Sheryl.
I knew she was home with the kids and thought I was at work, but if she called them, that would have been the worst. After where Yvonne and I were, I certainly did not want to be engaged in quite the opposite once I returned home.

That night was as it should have been, no questions. Until the Christmas Party.

Sheryl was going to stay home while Yvonne and I took Devo to the Airdyne Christmas function. When Sheryl met Yvonne, she just stood there staring at her stunned. Sheryl and I had very little if any sex. I never knew why she was a lesbian, she should just have been a nun, and even they have more fun than that.

Yvonne exuded sexuality. From that moment on, Sheryl had her hairs up about Yvonne and could not stop bitching about her. I tried to reassure her, but women are too smart for that crap.

I wanted to end my relationship with Sheryl, but Sheryl wasn’t having it and after she would move out, again, she would show up at 11pm crying and blathering and wanting me to forgive her, yet also wanted me to afford the relationship with fidelity.

She would wear me out and my having to be at work bright and early would preclude common sense and calling the police to have her removed.  it was just easier.

As for fidelity, that would be impossible. I really did not love Sheryl and I was beginning to have extremely strong feelings for Yvonne. If she would have left her lover, I would have moved into a permanent relationship with her, even though, I myself would be the one peeking around corners or listening to phone calls. In some ways, that is what frightened me…and so Yvonne and I carried on whenever or wherever we could, including the warehouse at work.

That Christmas party was very special as I had made the decorations at this party, enlisting people to help me wire almost 100 feet of greenery along a walk to the main warehouse where I had balloons festooned in the shape of a rainbow. All my centerpieces were given away as prizes, and my daughter showed me her worth that night.

Devo had watched me make these centerpieces, with masks, glitter, and festive "this and thats" in black ArtDECO glass vases. She was looking forward to getting one after the party and carried on for a week.
When the evening ended a little girl who had downs syndrome was hiding behind her daddy’s sleeve, staring at Devo who had her centerpiece In hand. Devo walked over to the little girl who looked like she was crying, and handed her the vase - without a word.

When your child does something like this, and she did it often, you cannot help but be pumped up and proud.

Yvonne loved my kids, and they loved her.   Yvonne didn’t know, that this would be my last week. I was moving up with the big guys and would be working at 1 Riverway, where the Summit was in the late 80’s. Day Brown Rice.

I was living my life for my kids.   I was working for their success, and it would take a lot to convince me to stay in any relationship.  I kept Sheryl around because she was safe..  And it was just that easy.  Love my kids, respect my job, give me a reason to stay.

This constitution eventually betrayed me.

To be continued

Music:  No more I love you's/Annie Lennox
If It Seems Too Goo To Be True On YouTube

Some of the names and characters in this blog are fictitious. This is an acount of actual events.  For the few who have given me permission, I thank you.   © Truth has witnesses ©DSL
©   This material is the copyright of  Dianne Schuch Lindsey and cannot be duplicated in any fashion without the express permission of the Author.    All rights reserved

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