Friday, September 16, 2011

Voices Carry


Hush Hush, Keep It Down Now...
page 38



I stood at the window watching the guests poolside, and watching Debra anxiously talk to someone on the phone. Anna of course being the someone.


I resigned myself to the awful truth. Debra acheived her goal. She knew she had me, and she knew with enough effort, she could have both me and Anna. I knew the best option would be to return to my home, my marriage. I could not do that any more than a dingo could sweetly lick a baby.

Our lies were the worst issue. How would we fare together with such a dreadful beginning?

I fell back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, my legs and arms spread out to cover the whole bed. I laid there, defeated in my solitude. I had no control, Debra had it all.

Her family already knew, they said little about it. I wasn't fooling myself when it came to my family, that would be the worst. Lee and Jack second, Jackie was going to be crazy, but he had created a mind set with me that released me from guilt. That is wrong in my mind today, no matter what he did, it did not warrant this extreme.


I am going to loose everything, and Debra would lose nothing, unless of course, I left. She would lose me. Would she care? She cried when it came to focus. She used all her lesbian wiles to convince me we were going to be ok.



So, then, why is she not in the room.
A key swiped in the door and it creaked open. I didn’t turn to look at her.
“Sorry, I just had to call Anna so she won’t be suspicious";
“Suspicious of what"; I did not turn to look at her, those patterned dots on the ceiling needed counting


“Well, we aren’t at home, and she would want to know where we are"; She continued, “I know how this looks to you, but when this comes to the surface, we need to make certain she has no inkling of what we have been doing";

She went in to take a shower; I took off my cloths and crawled under the covers, fading off to sleep.

A body pressing into my back brought me out of dream state. She pulled me to her nestling her head into my neck.

Smoothing my hair so as not to pull it then softly placing it behind my ear ...as she whispered goodnight. We didn’t make love, and that was probably best. There is as much comfort and love in the closeness, sometimes more.
I truly and completely, unconditionally love Debra. Something happens, they call it libido, but who are "they". Libido is a crude word for something so spiritually hypnotic. Anyone that has experienced close to this knows how it is impossible to abandon. There is no possible way in this world I could ever be without her.

The promise of an eternity in the arms of a love so full there was little room for anything else. I believed what she said and even seeing the ridiculous in the writing, I felt she made sense. If Anna went with someone else, we could glide into this with at least one advocate.

The hardest part of this new love affair was the inability to share it with someone. Yes, Nanook knew, but she was running a parallel gamut with some cop in New York, my situation was not as titillating to her since the birthday gift episode.


I told my brother in California, he was very sweet and up beat saying he worked with many Lesbians and they are wonderful. I don’t know what exactly he meant by that, but I appreciated the gesture. Oh, and he needed $30, could I send it to him. I was beyond broke, and Debra was not going to give me money for him. She really did not like my family, as did Anna. I figured I would find it somewhere.


Anna returned from Dian’s. After what Anna called, an overwhelming reunion, Dian had called her to her side to tell her of a new love in her life. Now that was fucking sad. Not for me, but for her.


She came home dismayed and depressed. I felt even worse about Debra and me.


Things are going to have to change. We could not keep this under wraps for long…and as fate played out, I wouldn’t need to concern myself with this for long.


Debra and I went to a friend of theirs, Sabrina, to drop off something and while Sabrina was in another room, Debra reached over and kissed me. Sabrina came in the room and dropped what was in her hands.


acacacacacacTo be ontinued...cacacacacacaac

Music

Till Tuesday/Voice

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