Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Anymore

Page 27

You Can Never Go Home … any more

I was home at last. We were HOME at last.

It is unreasonable to think everything you plan will eventually come to fruition. Some plans were never meant to be made.
We lived in a nice home in Champions, so much more comfortable than the North Shore home we were sharing as of late, with Debra and Anna. North Shore is a poor community, but is trying to pull itself out of the stereotype that had defined it all those years.


I had grown up comfortably. If there were financial issues in my childhood, I had no knowledge. Debra, on the other hand, grew up in a family that had many hardships they had to rise above. The social shock of living in that environment would be critical with my children and I wasn’t certain I should allow that to happen.
Any more



 

I sat on the bed, everything quieting down, here is my opportunity to face these demons and be done with it.

The last few weeks, month, had been a fantasy life, best left to the writers of fairy tales and harlequin romance. My life was here, in my beautiful home with all the comforts I had grown accustomed. I worked hard to get here. Many years of pain and loneliness waiting for my husband to grow into a man and a father. A spiteful person would run headlong into an affair with full intention of harming such a scoundrel. But I looked at it this way, I had gone through the trouble of raising him to the person he was today, albeit, still smoking pot and making excuses for his immaturity, But I had indeed invested the time and we had come full circle. We lived nicely, drove nicely, worked nicely and parented nicely. Who in their right mind would walk away from a life of such convenience? We had friends of stature, who respected us in the same light. I couldn't even say it was loveless. Jackie loved me. I knew that. He had never had our relationship threatened before, so neither of us had an inkling as to what lengths he might go to keep this life.



I felt confident that Debra had realized the irrational way we were behaving and went home to Anna to lick her wounds. We would give each other space and maybe, in time, we could all be a family again, putting this back in the "life better left" file.



I kicked off my shoes, found the remote and clicked on the television. Judas, our dog, was nowhere to be seen, I just noticed. And the kids; I wondered why they hadn't come down to talk to me. Question why we were finally nested at home and not going back to Auntie Anna and Debra's house.



I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. I think I will go visit them upstairs, they may feel this was a subject for "big people" and they probably wouldn't know the right questions to ask.
The door opened slowly. The murky brown of a cardboard box peeked around the corner...


Music: Moody Blues/You can Never go home...anymore
©   This material is the copyright Dianne Schuch Lindsey and cannot be duplicated in any fashion without the express permission of the Author.    All rights reserved

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