Monday, August 8, 2011

Some People Cry...

...Some people know why

A life not lived, appropriately.   Page 12
Go directly to Page 1

Everything appeared to be normal.

I stayed at Anna and Debra’s house for the week prior to Jack coming home from School in Chicago. Anna continued to confide in me, which made me feel even more like a heel than I already did. She was in love with another woman and expressed great concern about Debra and the rest of the family. Everyone had embraced Debra (though not in the fashion that I did). She asked me to be there for Debra when it all went down.
Sure yeah, consider me there.

Our intimacy was getting more risky and Debra did not seem to mind. But she had to be with me every minute. When she wasn’t, then we talked by phone, though that didn’t occur the first week or so.

This new lifestyle suited me. I could be more expressive. No games of who is the more powerful of the two. I had always wanted that, not the "hard to get, hard to keep" relationships I have shared in the past. As if being forthright about how you feel is a vice.

My in-laws were coming this weekend. The first weekend of my new found liberation from the chains of self ignorance and complacency. We were all going to Galveston.

Debra was jealous of anyone and everyone. She taxi’d me everywhere. She loved my children and spoiled them. She put me up on a pedestal. And ladies, do we all not want that?

After years of abuse from my family, followed by even harsher, physical abuse from my first husband and finally physical and emotional abuse from Jack Jr., yes, I felt entitled.

This was something I was not used to.

The pursuit,? Yes, men pursued me. Jack Jr. had the scars and plastic surgery to prove that. But once they HAD me, they used the institution of marriage as a guarantee they could do as they wished and come home to clean pressed cloths, a hot dinner and sex when they pleased.

Debra belabored the issue of Jack and what I was going to do once he returned. Which truthfully, I had no idea. In some ways I thought Debra and I would enjoy this time of illicit passion and once Jack returned, I would hasten to our house in Champions with the children and that would be that. Maybe we would have rendezvous from time to time, something easier to pull off when the love interest is female. Much easier than an extraordinarily close relationship with a man.

Confession was one thing I refused to think about. My daydreams filled all the moments away from Debra. I would run the scene over and over in my mind. Like a psychopath would replay his indiscretions, these moments of pure ecstasy were my diversion from real life.

My children did not suffer. Gratefully, Debra loved kids and they still were my priority. I have always relied on them when making decisions about who I was to let into our lives. I would like to think that if they did not want Debra around, it would not have happened.

That was one of the turn-ons about Debra, her unique childlike disposition. All our recreation time was spent with them.

She was funny and fun, sensitive and powerful. Everyone loved her.

Everything was almost normal. Nonetheless, If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Anna loved having me there and having the kids with them. But I needed to go home. Party over. Anna suspected I was drawn to them because of the camaraderie of women. That was an understatement.
I gathered the children and what I had brought with me for my stay, heading out the door, Debra drove up.

She became frantic. This was unsettling. My life felt as secure as a floating crap game.

"Love can be as sticky as a vat of molasses, as palatable as a hunk of spoiled yeast and as all consuming as a 6 alarm fire in a bamboo and canvas tent."  Rod Serling, the Twilight Zone

Just two months ago, my life and my family were on track. Just 2 months ago, I was a married women with proclivities toward the male species. (Human that is)

I left Anna and Debra's with the children, fully aware that things were very different.  I was very different. 

Jack would be home at first light, but that did not make the night go any faster.  I asked Debra to not call.  She did anyway.  I did not answer and regretted that by the time it got dark.  It was a long and introspective night and I was the last person I wanted to be alone with...

To be continued...

  Music:  Alone/Heart    Some People/ Cliff Richard

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