Never Be the Same
A life not lived, appropriately. Page 8
Go directly to Page 1
That first kiss. Unlike any kiss before and any kiss you will ever experience again.
That kiss would destroy many.
I still had time to think it through, to stop it, get hold of My faculties. But did I want to? Was this so terribly wrong? The bottom line is we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities
I still got into Debra’s vehicle and scooted next to her. I felt 15 again. My heart racing you could see the bump bump bump against my shirt.
We were on our way to the video store, at least that is what Debra told Anna and who was I to question. I figured Debra just wanted more privacy, time to speak with me. I didn’t think we were going to rush off to a hotel or detour to one of her friends houses. We were far to mature to throw aside protocol, like there was any. And wasn’t it very mature of me to leave my daughter with my sister-in-law so I could be secretly courted by her lover. Yes, this was all very mature.
But I was wrong. Again.
She pulled me to her and kissed me again, but this time it was determined.
“I wanted the first time to be so much different than this” she apologized
But that did not stop her. As we kissed her hands moved gently against the fabric covering my breasts. I shook uncontrollably as if in terror. I don't know what I expected. I really didn't think this through, so, I did not expect anything. You will find this hard to believe, but I did not think it wouold go this far, THIS FAST
Watching...in slow motion...as you turn my way, take my breath away
Her moves were so sensual, so delicate. Maybe I expected something a bit more forceful. This shows one, you cannot judge a dyke by her taste in vehicles. The light touching of the skin as fingers feathered across my arms and neck. As her lips ran softly against my body. The smell of her cologne intermingling with mine to create a whole new scent that was ours only. There was none of the grabbing neediness of sex I have had with men.
There were only moments, seconds, time just stopped. I didn’t try to fight it. I became part of her and she of me.
I felt ridicoulously like the heroine on the cover of one of those Harlequinne romance novels, being swept away by Fabio. Yes laugh, but you weren’t there!
But time was going to continue no matter. Consequences were going to be extreme and difficult. I honestly do not know if I were to be given a chance to change things, would I? This was something you would only see in movies, read in books. This does not happen in reality.
And would she have let me take a different path? She was from Texas, people, and you all know how Texans are, their way or the highway
I saw a movie where Texas gets attacked by Iraq with nuclear bombs. I am certain this would never happen as Texans are crazier than any Mideast zealots . They wouldn’t need the draft as they always have guns. They would simply take care of it themselves and as a rule Iraqies do not like chainsaw like torture..
Okay. That was just an excuse. But a valid one! (There is great need for a sarcasm font)
But in the confines of the cab of a truck, it wasn’t exactly the most romantic of places. Debra insisted on no reciprocation. I was relieved. As you know I was not experienced, but I am a woman. And there are no books “Lesbianism for Idiots”.
I was certain this was going to be the beginning and end and I would have fodder for a that nice short story, or Letter to Penthouse.
I still loved my husband, though I was no longer “In-love” with him. Yes he beat that out of me long ago. I truly loved Anna who had been such an important part of my life and I was certain she would just laugh this off.
Yes, I was THAT stupid.
Her incessant complaining about Debra not being her type and how she talked about Diane, the girl she met up north, I thought she would actually be happy. She dropped hints several times that I should give up on that heel of a husband (her own brother) and join the eternal happiness of homosexuality. I could have a best friend and a lover, and expand my wardrobe.
Many woman boast of being best friends with their husbands, but the spouses still go out independant of each other “girls night out”, “boys night out”. But think about it. You are sitting there with your best friend (not your lover, yet). She says “I am going to the clubs tonight”. Would it not be rude if she did not assume you were invited as well? That is how female/female relationships work. One would certainly not go without a friend, and not without a BEST friend. “
Debra and I walked through the front door of her house carrying the prerequisite VHS tapes and and catbird smiles. Dinner was interesting enough. The children prattled on about school friends and such. Of course they fought as siblings are want to do. I heard nothing. All background noise as Debra and I stole glances.
The night came quickly. The children and I stayed over and Devo and I slept together in the spare bedroom.
Late that night Debra came in to talk. It was time for me to stop this. But the words eluded me.
“Debra, I do not know what to do” I whispered “there are so many people involved in this”
“Do you want to stop?” She asked
Yes. Yes I did.
“No” I lied.
“Debra this is too much. It is something I would not have thought about in my wildest dreams” I said. “I have had situations where girls, and then women have suggested this, but nothing could have made me surrender to these fantasies”
“Dianne, I love you, this is something I never thought could happen” she said “and now that it has, it is going to be difficult to just drop it.”
If we did let it stop right there and then, would it be no foul? I think not, we had breeched the sanctity of my marriage when she made love to me. Hell, before then, when she kissed me. Holidays were going to be interesting. That one clandestine move. I have heard people talk about their infidelities, brief failings in their marriages that have caused them to turn to others. There are the ones that say “we only kissed, nothing more”. But if it was a situation where they would have to continue to see that person in family settings, how could they ignore what happened? I don’t buy it. They had to have more. It would be far too disconcerting to see that person and fantasize about what could have been. Hell, every time you went to retrieve someone’s coat as they were leaving, I am certain the potential paramour would be standing there waiting for the game to continue. No, I either had to see this to it’s uncertain end, or I would have to kill her.
The years go by, there's always someone new to try and make me forget about you.
No one will ever touch me that way...the way you did that very first day
These words are true today as they were then.
The next day was going to come whether I wanted it or not. Might as well make the best of it.
I reached up and ran my hand across her face. “We’ll figure this out” She kissed me and went off to be with Anna. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Chaos, panic and disorder .. my work here is done
To be continued...
The directory for this Novel is just below, and to your right.
Pick the "to be continued" to turn the page.
And thank you, once again, for your interests.
The names have been changed in this blog. Any resemblance to anyone is strictly the paranoia of that person, admitting recognition of the incidents portrayed. For the few who have given me that permission, for that I thank you.
Truth has witnesses
© This, and all material on this blog site are the copyright Dianne Schuch Lindsey and cannot be duplicated in any fashion without the express permission of the Author. All rights reserved
Book of Love/ Modigliani
Berlin/ Take my breath away
Christopher Cross/ Never be the Same