Thursday, July 28, 2011

Driven to Certain Disaster.

I Kissed A Girl

A life not lived, appropriately.   Page 6 (Continued)
Go directly to Page 1 



I could hear the jingle of Anna's keys, Bo barking. I was so glad he didn’t have the power of speech. I thought about the tool someone had invented to interpret your pet’s language. Thank God, Anna didn’t have it.

Debra grabbed my shirt that was immediately behind me, “here, put this on.” she was very serious, a bit nervous. She turned back to her cigs.

Was this an admonition? Did I have such a colossal ego that would cause her to toss her life to the dogs? She knew my family, she heard about them constantly from Hank, my sister’s inseminator. She knew of the religious fervor they had suddenly adopted after my father’s lung transplant. Then there were the redneck issues of Anna’s father and the disappointment from Lee, his wife, my dear mother-in-law.

The relationship with Lee was first and foremost after my kids. I loved this woman beyond anything reasonable. She loved me, respected me, even years after I divorced her son. She would tell my daughter and anyone who would listen “Dianne will always be my daughter-in-law”. She would tell Jack’s new wife Robin.

Breaking Lee’s heart was a deciding factor.

I truly pondered what I was doing. I think it and rethink it. However, my libido was screaming, “screw the establishment, THIS COULD BE GREAT”

I knew the sacrifices were going to outweigh the advantages. I would definitely loose my marriage, but as things stood, it was going to happen anyhow. I may loose my kids. I would probably loose enough clients to loose my business, and my parents, oh Jesus on roller-skates; this was going to be catastrophic.

What was it about this woman?

It was not as if I had never been approached in this manner. I stayed the night at a friend's house when I was 13. She asked me if we could kiss "to practice before we were with boys."

When I was in my 20’s, my best friend, Nanook, brought it up all the time,” hey you know we could be having more fun, WITHOUT coffee" she said one morning after jumping into my bed and spilling her cup as she landed. The idea made me sick. Nanook turned out to be kinky in the end, and she came across this way. So much so that it did not amaze me when her new husband and her had a threesome. I did not approve, and I did not like what I heard about her family life, but that was my opinion and I certainly was not going to judge. I would just listen, but never interfere.

She was on my mind often during this year… Maybe because all inferences regarding sexual discovery evolved from those days of her peaked interest in sharing my bed.

THere was so much to ponder. In just seconds, my life could change.

I decided I was not going to be a part of this fiasco.

The next few days, weeks were difficult. I let the machine take Debra’s calls, and there were plenty.

Jack jokingly said, “is this another Nanook thing, (what the...) shit, I had to move you clear across the country before I ended up writing a story to Penthouse [about Nanook and me].

I laughed, and then he said, “I just caught a visual”.

“Was it good” it just came out, I could not suck those words back in my mouth, there it was.

However, Debra was determined. I tried to convince myself this was not happening. She had to know the great responsibility of taking a straight woman from her family, Debra’s family as well.

Debra and Jack Sr. were Golfing buddies. Golf, her favorite sport next to Coon hunting. What an eclectic sportswoman, redneck and bourgeois. No one told her that GOLF stands for Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden. This is a fact. When it was discovered in Scotland, they gave it that name as a paradigm and it stuck. But Jack Sr. made his share of quips regarding her lifestyle and presentation. She was more than androgynous; “No sir” or “Yes Sir” was more often than not - the way she was addressed, especially in a drive-thru.

On an occasion where she did manage to chorale me on the phone she asked, “What is it about me that is making you act so rudely and not call me back?”

That is the type of question that has a bullet in every chamber designed to blow my brains out.

This was going to be one terrible situation. So bad in fact, I wanted to kick my own ass.

I felt guilty. Why did I feel guilty? Under any other circumstance, I would not. Hell, my mother called all the time and I never returned her calls. (Long distance charges and all that … and I don‘t like her).

Besides, all this fantasizing had been just that. I know because we saw a psychic. You see I too have a problem with psychics, for instanc<e; why do psychics have to ask you for your name.<And she told us.

No I’m not deranged, I don’t believe in that crap anyhow. But she said some things that made me ponder the possibilities.

We had a customer that was quite taken with my husband. She was a black woman with the most piercing eyes and beautiful body, I was concerned.

This psychic told us three things.
1) My marriage was going to fall victim to a woman with dark eyes, brown hair



2) I would have monetary problems for a few years, but I would become successfully self-sufficient
3) A man with graying blond hair was going to change my life.

These things did come to fruition.

These premonitions preyed on me. I figured it was all off about Debra anyhow, it was obvious that I was seeking explanations for my recent behavior.

I needed to pay attention to a potential destructive force of my marriage. Like there was not one so obviously in the crosshairs. I revisited my relationship with Debra. After all, she was a wonderful sitter for the kids. In addition, cheap. FREE! And she was someone I could confide in. Not that I had given much thought to secrets since my life was an open book.

She was supportive with my plans for the future. She talked to me at length about family, religion, marriage, school; she had a thought for everything. In some ways I was venerating her, giving her views more credibility than they deserved, I am sure.

She sensed this and worked it. I spoke to her daily. Then several times a day. Then several hours each time.

It was May 5th when she finally broke through the dam and causing my emotions to funnel out in a flood of confusion, disbelief and fear.

No more walking on tender hooks.

“Dianne, do you understand what is happening here?”


In spite of it all, I didn’t know if she meant what I thought she meant.


If I am wrong I would be setting myself up for ridicule. Can you imagine what Anna, my husband, my friends would think.

Me making a pass at my sister-in law’s female lover? 

I knew what was happening; I thought I knew what was happening. But I was not going to be the one to bring it to the surface.

That didn’t matter. She asked me if I felt the way she did.

I hung up the phone, ran out to my car and drove from Spring to North Shore in the height of the worst rush hour.


I dreamed of your kisses your arms open wide,
this fever for you is just burning me up



The entire ride was full of anxiety, fear, anticipation.

I should have turned back. I had a 50-mile drive through rush hour ;I need to get hold of my faculties and come to my senses.

I knew it was dangerous,

I knew this was the end of a life that was safe.

I would soon find out it was the beginning of living for me.  But at what cost?

I should have turned back. I had a 50-mile drive through rush hour to get hold of my faculties and come to my senses.

I ran into her house, she was in back with her father, but I could hear her rush to the front.

My heart was in my throat. It was as if I had never existed before that one savage moment.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right…



…I kissed a girl and I liked it!


To be continued...





The directory for this Novel is just below, and to your right.
Pick the "to be continued" to turn the page.

And thank you, once again, for your interests.

Dadita



The names have been changed in this blog. Any resemblance to anyone is strictly the paranoia of that person, admitting recognition of the incidents portrayed. For the few who have given me that permission, for that I thank you.
Truth has witnesses



Credits:Cindy Lauper/ Drove all Night Electric Light Orchestra /Strange Magic Katy Perry/I kissed a Girl Alan Parsons/ Don’t let it show


© This, and all material on this blog site are the copyright Dianne Schuch Lindsey and cannot be duplicated in any fashion without the express permission of the Author. All rights reserved

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